Are You There God? It's Me, Kelly

As I stare down the precipice of my near 43 years I’m somewhat baffled. I mean, what do I really have to show for all these hard-lived years? A Decree Absolute…A media career that, since its peak a decade ago, has entered what I can only describe as a phase of turbid indifference…Oh...and a womb that’s as barren as a brick.

God knows where I went wrong. So I reckon it’s high time 'He’ and I had a little chat.

Yes, folks. I'm off on another nutty adventure. But I won’t be raiding India for any more of her enlightenment. This time, I’m off to find my woo-woo in Peru...

You see, I’ve heard about these Inca shaman who practice an ancient rite that’s said to give you a genuine connection with God / the Cosmic / the Universe – whatever you want to call it. And I’ve managed to nab a spot in their circle.

Over the next few weeks I’ll be dancing with spirit animals, vision questing with guardian angels, losing my own body weight in perspiration as I trek through dense Amazonian jungle and chucking my guts up on shamanic tree drugs as I join an array of ayahuasca ‘tea ceremonies’. I’ll be swapping my skinny jeans and stacked heels for an Egyptian white cotton Kaftan and a pair of feathered earrings and once again, I’ll be surrendering my pristinely moussed ringlets to a thicket of wild and unruly frizz.

But will any of this get me a direct line to the big guy in the sky?

I’m about to take one major leap into the unknown. I’ll definitely make mistakes. I’ll probably make an arse of myself. But you never know…I might find God…